lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize