I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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