I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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