i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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