I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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