ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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