____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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