You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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