My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
