I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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