she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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