Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
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I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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