we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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