what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize