so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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