we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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