God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize