It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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