But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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