My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize