I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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