i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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