HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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