Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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