party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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