I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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