I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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