So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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