It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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