Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
tell me about the fingering
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