yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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