I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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