I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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