Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FOUND THE LEGS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize