y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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