areolas are like halos for boobs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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