i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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