real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize