Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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