fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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