Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love you.
Bad choice
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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