Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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