I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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