Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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