Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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