Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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