If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's always time for handjobs
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think my moral compass just broke
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