If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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