I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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