Sponge bath it is.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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