i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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